Dear Coming Through The Rye Staff,

I’m 16 years old, who would rather stay home and play games on the computer or watch TV.  And, as long as I can remember, I always fell in love with a boy, but always unlucky in love.  I’m very shy and very quiet around boys I like (or almost every cute boy).  But, around my guy friends and girl friends, I’m sometimes goofy and when I’m in bad mood I’m quiet.

But I’ve noticed that lately, drifting somewhere in my mind, sometimes I find myself looking at cute girls passing by me on the street.  I don’t know if it is jealousy because I am not skinny.  I was chubby and my “friends” in elementary school kidded me about that.  Then I had health problems (my hormones started going crazy) at age of 12 and gained more weight (90 kg).  But I struggled and lost some of that weight (now 82 kg).  (Some people still pick on me because of that, but I gained some confidence and found new friends.)  I don’t wear heels, nor put a ton of makeup, nor dress up like I’m going to the parade every day.

But sometimes I start thinking about how my life would have been if I was lesbian, and get lost in my mind…  Sorry if I bored you with my life story (story in parentheses), but I felt like I needed to write it.  And sorry if misspelled something…  And is it normal to be confused about your sexuality at this age?

Sincerely,

Marija

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Dear Marija,

We sincerely appreciate and thank you for taking the time to share your story with us at Coming Through The Rye.  First, it is absolutely alright to be confused about your sexuality at this age.  From across various ages, high schoolers to college students to even adults encounter confusion and may seek to deny, suppress, explore, or accept their sexuality.

I can agree with you that you observe other females potentially because you are envious of who they are, how they present themselves, and such.  I think it would be helpful for you to think what you like about the females that you observe.  Ask yourself, in what way am I attracted to this person?  Is it because I wish I had something this person has, such as a physical quality or personality?  Or, is it because I want to learn more about the person in a more romantic, physical, and or emotional side?

When ever you experience unhappiness or happiness or challenges, the most important idea for you to remember is that it is okay to have this uncertainty about sexuality.  Sexuality takes time and personal experience to understand it.  You may not come to understand it right away. At different moments, you may possibly understand it clearer or be completely confused or have a change of feelings.

Overall, it is okay to be shy around guys (especially cute guys).  You are unique, but like other people, such as your classmates, we are constantly changing and adjusting ourselves based on different situations.  We can act outgoing one moment and another day, we are quiet.  It is great that you have gain confidence with gradually losing weight.  Depending on your height and age, it is important to be in a healthy weight range and to lose weight in a healthy way.

Please feel free to add more to this dialogue.  Again, we thank you Marija for sharing your story with us!  We wish you the very best!

Catching those before they fall and helping those who have fallen back up.

Phoebe