Insecurities from Within

Dear Coming Through The Rye Staff,

Okay, so I’m going to tell you guys my story but I don’t know where to begin.  I’m 15 and I’m really insecure, I don’t know why, might be from the past.  Since a while ago I haven’t been comfortable anymore at school, in classrooms and hallways. I feel sad everyday, I cry at least twice a week.  Here’s why… Whenever I’m at school I feel like people are judging me, laughing at me, watching me.  I know this is not true, but I can’t shake the feeling.  So whenever I think people are laughing at me or whatever, I break.  I get sad and can’t even do my homework.  I have this problem EVERYDAY.

I’ve already asked my friends, “Why are they laughing at me?”  They tell me people aren’t laughing at me and it’s all in my head, because there’s nothing wrong with me.  They tell me I’m beautiful.  I make new friends too, so that makes me a little less insecure.  Why would people wanna be my friend if I were ugly or weird?  But everyday there’s this one person who ruins it all.  They might not even know they ruin my day, because they might not be laughing at me.

I’ll give an example.  Today, I was leaving school with a bunch of my friends and two guys were entering. For a split second, I made eye contact with one of these guys.  One second or two seconds later, the guy shouted something while he was passing me.  I hadn’t heard what he had said so I asked my friend, “What did he say?”  She told me she didn’t know but thought it was suspicious that he shouted just as we were entering.

I’ve got problems just with lunch too.  Whenever someone nearby laughs, I assume it’s about me, even if someone glances in my direction, but is just looking behind me or whatever.  I KNOW it’s not about me most of the times, but I just can’t stop the feeling.

I just wanted to know what you guys think.  My friends say I’m a little paranoid and should seek help.  I don’t want to live like this anymore, I can’t.

Thanks,

Doriana


Dear Doriana,

We thank you for sharing your story here with us at Coming Through The Rye.  I can personally relate to you on your situation.  When I was in high school and even now, I feel uncomfortable in social situations and felt that others judged me in a not so favorable aspect.  Your current situation really seems to interfere with your daily life.  Therefore, I do support that it would be beneficial to talk with a professional and someone that you trust in order to support you along this obstacle.

There are days where I can handle and feel comfortable with myself.  In these cases, I disregard what other’s may or may not think of me. And then, there are days where I do not feel comfortable of others and step away from the social environment.  I think it may be because we are not comfortable with ourselves, not confident with our beings, which cause us to fear what we interpret that others may think of us.

In addition to talking with another trusted individual, I think it would be beneficial for you to find something that you do well and are interested in, such as a cooking or a sewing club.  Participating in something that interests you can slowly develop a positive perception of yourself and as a result, potentially ease this challenging situation for you.

I wish I could say that I am cured from this uncomfortableness, but I am not.  Despite that, I can handle this on a situation to situation basis now, continually taking little steps.

Catching those before they fall and helping those who have fallen back up,

Phoebe

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3 responses

  1. hai doriana:
    keep this in mind time unfolds every riddles in this world…..
    select the one main thing in your life and concentrate completely in it and let the other unwanted things fade down itself….

    • Hi ezhilan,
      Thank you so much for sharing your input! Time will help. It is important to focus and improve on ourselves little by little. At the same time, we can try to give our best to what ever comes our way now.

  2. Hi Doriana,
    I just want to say that as I read this, it was as if it was someone was writing about me…
    For so long I struggled with the same thing, and even now I still have days where if someone looks at me for just a little too long, or it seems like too many people have glanced my way, then the same thinking comes back….. Like you wrote, I can’t shake the feeling either, I can’t stop thinking it must be me they’re talking about, laughing about…
    But there is one way I can start to shrug it off: They don’t know the real you. You have true value, and if you don’t know them well enough to be sure that they aren’t in fact reacting to you that way, that also means that they don’t know you well enough to be making any kind of judgements. Therefore, anything you worry that they might be thinking/saying/laughing at about you isn’t even valid… they don’t know the real you.
    Another way to think about it is, how important are these people’s opinions to you? For me, after some practice, I realised that their opinions don’t matter. Not even close. If they think something bad about you (which they don’t, but it sure feels that way, so I’m speaking hypothetically, as if they did … 🙂 which they don’t!) then you could work on telling yourself that it doesn’t matter.

    I don’t know whether any of that will help. I hope it might!

    Hang in there. Find someone – just one person – that you trust, and share with them. Let them show you how much they care about you and won’t laugh at you. Even if you worry they might. Give them a chance to prove you wrong. After that, you will have proof that whatever you worry they’re thinking isn’t actually true, and you just need to keep reminding yourself of that. The feelings suck, but logicalness can be your friend in fighting them!

    It gets better! (cliché, i know…. I never believed it myself, but it’s come true for me, it will come true for you too!)

    Thinking of you, and wishing you all the best!
    Charli

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