So sad… What should I do?

Dear Coming Through The Rye Staff,

I am 20 years old and female.  I have never had a boyfriend.  I have kissed one guy so far.  I have been on several dates, but whether I didn’t like the guy or the guy I liked, didn’t turn up again.  I am not a person who defines myself upon having a man, but I feel very miserable and alone.  I am very social and outgoing and most people say I am beautiful.  I study in a college and have hobbies.

However, guys never call me back after a dinner or a date.  I don’t look them straightly as potential boyfriends or put pressure on them.  After a date for example they say:  “I hope to see you again” but they never show up again and stop talking to me.  I believe I am not making myself look like I am desperate, but whatever I do (show interest or not show interest) it’s all the same.

Also, when I was in junior or high school, I had a group of friends, but I’ve always been the one last called or to be invited somewhere.  Others met up sometimes without inviting me.

Now I am in college and it’s same again.  I think they are ok with me, but I am the one that they least like.  They talk with me sometimes we go out BUT they are closer with each other than being close with me.  They text each other and care about each other and I am just a loner.

Even my family said:  “Did you make a guy run away again.”  I feel so worthless and depressed.  No one likes me and wants me as a friend or girlfriend… I feel humiliated.  Sometimes, my friends would say to me:  “I can set up a guy for you.”  This is pathetic and they know I would say no.  And it’s not like they would really set me up with somebody.

What do you think I am doing wrong?  Why am I always the one to be cared for least?  I am a human being.  I need to love and to be loved.  I always keep telling myself that someday I will have good friends and a boyfriend.  But every time, I get more disappointed and believe me, I don’t really have high standards.

Thanks for reading.  Looking forward for your answers.

Sincerely,

Tina

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Insecurities from Within

Dear Coming Through The Rye Staff,

Okay, so I’m going to tell you guys my story but I don’t know where to begin.  I’m 15 and I’m really insecure, I don’t know why, might be from the past.  Since a while ago I haven’t been comfortable anymore at school, in classrooms and hallways. I feel sad everyday, I cry at least twice a week.  Here’s why… Whenever I’m at school I feel like people are judging me, laughing at me, watching me.  I know this is not true, but I can’t shake the feeling.  So whenever I think people are laughing at me or whatever, I break.  I get sad and can’t even do my homework.  I have this problem EVERYDAY.

I’ve already asked my friends, “Why are they laughing at me?”  They tell me people aren’t laughing at me and it’s all in my head, because there’s nothing wrong with me.  They tell me I’m beautiful.  I make new friends too, so that makes me a little less insecure.  Why would people wanna be my friend if I were ugly or weird?  But everyday there’s this one person who ruins it all.  They might not even know they ruin my day, because they might not be laughing at me.

I’ll give an example.  Today, I was leaving school with a bunch of my friends and two guys were entering. For a split second, I made eye contact with one of these guys.  One second or two seconds later, the guy shouted something while he was passing me.  I hadn’t heard what he had said so I asked my friend, “What did he say?”  She told me she didn’t know but thought it was suspicious that he shouted just as we were entering.

I’ve got problems just with lunch too.  Whenever someone nearby laughs, I assume it’s about me, even if someone glances in my direction, but is just looking behind me or whatever.  I KNOW it’s not about me most of the times, but I just can’t stop the feeling.

I just wanted to know what you guys think.  My friends say I’m a little paranoid and should seek help.  I don’t want to live like this anymore, I can’t.

Thanks,

Doriana

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Lack so much confidence… Why?

Dear Coming Through The Rye Staff,

I really don’t know why, but for some reason, I lack a lot of confidence.  Whenever I’m walking to work, I always worry about walking to work and being in work.

When I start walking on my own and walk past people or get to traffic lights, I panic and sweat.  I get all nervous and I really don’t know why.  However, if I’m walking around with my boyfriend or a friend, I’m fine. Why is this?

I also get all stressed, worried, and work myself up about things.  Dunno if that has anything to do with my lack of confidence :/

Sincerely,

Lucy

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I think I might be lesbian?

Dear Coming Through The Rye Staff,

I’m 16 years old, who would rather stay home and play games on the computer or watch TV.  And, as long as I can remember, I always fell in love with a boy, but always unlucky in love.  I’m very shy and very quiet around boys I like (or almost every cute boy).  But, around my guy friends and girl friends, I’m sometimes goofy and when I’m in bad mood I’m quiet.

But I’ve noticed that lately, drifting somewhere in my mind, sometimes I find myself looking at cute girls passing by me on the street.  I don’t know if it is jealousy because I am not skinny.  I was chubby and my “friends” in elementary school kidded me about that.  Then I had health problems (my hormones started going crazy) at age of 12 and gained more weight (90 kg).  But I struggled and lost some of that weight (now 82 kg).  (Some people still pick on me because of that, but I gained some confidence and found new friends.)  I don’t wear heels, nor put a ton of makeup, nor dress up like I’m going to the parade every day.

But sometimes I start thinking about how my life would have been if I was lesbian, and get lost in my mind…  Sorry if I bored you with my life story (story in parentheses), but I felt like I needed to write it.  And sorry if misspelled something…  And is it normal to be confused about your sexuality at this age?

Sincerely,

Marija

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