Insecurities from Within

Dear Coming Through The Rye Staff,

Okay, so I’m going to tell you guys my story but I don’t know where to begin.  I’m 15 and I’m really insecure, I don’t know why, might be from the past.  Since a while ago I haven’t been comfortable anymore at school, in classrooms and hallways. I feel sad everyday, I cry at least twice a week.  Here’s why… Whenever I’m at school I feel like people are judging me, laughing at me, watching me.  I know this is not true, but I can’t shake the feeling.  So whenever I think people are laughing at me or whatever, I break.  I get sad and can’t even do my homework.  I have this problem EVERYDAY.

I’ve already asked my friends, “Why are they laughing at me?”  They tell me people aren’t laughing at me and it’s all in my head, because there’s nothing wrong with me.  They tell me I’m beautiful.  I make new friends too, so that makes me a little less insecure.  Why would people wanna be my friend if I were ugly or weird?  But everyday there’s this one person who ruins it all.  They might not even know they ruin my day, because they might not be laughing at me.

I’ll give an example.  Today, I was leaving school with a bunch of my friends and two guys were entering. For a split second, I made eye contact with one of these guys.  One second or two seconds later, the guy shouted something while he was passing me.  I hadn’t heard what he had said so I asked my friend, “What did he say?”  She told me she didn’t know but thought it was suspicious that he shouted just as we were entering.

I’ve got problems just with lunch too.  Whenever someone nearby laughs, I assume it’s about me, even if someone glances in my direction, but is just looking behind me or whatever.  I KNOW it’s not about me most of the times, but I just can’t stop the feeling.

I just wanted to know what you guys think.  My friends say I’m a little paranoid and should seek help.  I don’t want to live like this anymore, I can’t.



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