So sad… What should I do?

Dear Coming Through The Rye Staff,

I am 20 years old and female.  I have never had a boyfriend.  I have kissed one guy so far.  I have been on several dates, but whether I didn’t like the guy or the guy I liked, didn’t turn up again.  I am not a person who defines myself upon having a man, but I feel very miserable and alone.  I am very social and outgoing and most people say I am beautiful.  I study in a college and have hobbies.

However, guys never call me back after a dinner or a date.  I don’t look them straightly as potential boyfriends or put pressure on them.  After a date for example they say:  “I hope to see you again” but they never show up again and stop talking to me.  I believe I am not making myself look like I am desperate, but whatever I do (show interest or not show interest) it’s all the same.

Also, when I was in junior or high school, I had a group of friends, but I’ve always been the one last called or to be invited somewhere.  Others met up sometimes without inviting me.

Now I am in college and it’s same again.  I think they are ok with me, but I am the one that they least like.  They talk with me sometimes we go out BUT they are closer with each other than being close with me.  They text each other and care about each other and I am just a loner.

Even my family said:  “Did you make a guy run away again.”  I feel so worthless and depressed.  No one likes me and wants me as a friend or girlfriend… I feel humiliated.  Sometimes, my friends would say to me:  “I can set up a guy for you.”  This is pathetic and they know I would say no.  And it’s not like they would really set me up with somebody.

What do you think I am doing wrong?  Why am I always the one to be cared for least?  I am a human being.  I need to love and to be loved.  I always keep telling myself that someday I will have good friends and a boyfriend.  But every time, I get more disappointed and believe me, I don’t really have high standards.

Thanks for reading.  Looking forward for your answers.



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I think I might be lesbian?

Dear Coming Through The Rye Staff,

I’m 16 years old, who would rather stay home and play games on the computer or watch TV.  And, as long as I can remember, I always fell in love with a boy, but always unlucky in love.  I’m very shy and very quiet around boys I like (or almost every cute boy).  But, around my guy friends and girl friends, I’m sometimes goofy and when I’m in bad mood I’m quiet.

But I’ve noticed that lately, drifting somewhere in my mind, sometimes I find myself looking at cute girls passing by me on the street.  I don’t know if it is jealousy because I am not skinny.  I was chubby and my “friends” in elementary school kidded me about that.  Then I had health problems (my hormones started going crazy) at age of 12 and gained more weight (90 kg).  But I struggled and lost some of that weight (now 82 kg).  (Some people still pick on me because of that, but I gained some confidence and found new friends.)  I don’t wear heels, nor put a ton of makeup, nor dress up like I’m going to the parade every day.

But sometimes I start thinking about how my life would have been if I was lesbian, and get lost in my mind…  Sorry if I bored you with my life story (story in parentheses), but I felt like I needed to write it.  And sorry if misspelled something…  And is it normal to be confused about your sexuality at this age?



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